Holy smokes. Remember when I wrote a post called inspiration, last week? Well, life sure had some different plans for my week. Also, God has an unwanted sense of humor. On Monday, I was feeling inspired and joyful and at peace at life. Everything was butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. The coffee tasted better than usual. Conversations with others were more exciting than usual. Nothing could get me down.
It all started Monday night. I endured long shifts of work. Each day I worked between ten to twelve hours, trying to keep my spirits high and remind myself of my “inspirational” thoughts on Monday. Nothing was going my way. And I was becoming increasingly irritable (and selfish).
Friday soon came. That day hit me out of no where. Not only was I completely exhausted from working a few very late nights of serving and then waking up early each day for my other jobs, but my 2000 Subaru Outback (that has made it through hell and back again and again) would not start. We tried everything…nothing worked. I was scheduled to be across town for work at 8am. My boss saved the day and drove me to work, getting me to the event I was teaching, by 8:45am. Thank goodness for my saints of parents that helped me drive my car to the mechanic (before work on Friday evening) and letting me borrow their truck for the week.
Saturday was just around the corner. I was obviously anticipating my day off on Sunday. I worked another very full day, exhausted by the end of the day/week. I came home, traveled up the stairs to my room, took one look at my disaster of a bed, and decided to make it up so I would have a fresh bed to jump into at the end of the night. As I was pulling my bed covers up to straighten the sheet and blanket out, my hand slipped and (literally) punched me in my left eye. My first initial thought was “Shit! I just lost my eye.” So dramatic, Michelle. My plan was to call my sister (the nurse) if it looked horrible, but then I remembered her LEAST FAVORITE subject that she studied in nursing school, was eyes and vision. A quote from my sister, “Eyes freak me out.” So that was out of the question. I ran over to the mirror to check everything out, my eye watering like never before. I had cut myself just below my eye, two scrapes bleeding, instantly swelling up. Needless to say, I have a small black eye with two scrapes trying to heal up. Just the icing on the cake for the end of the week!
Does anyone else feel like this happens? Anytime you feel like you are on top of the world, nothing can get you down; the world has other plans for you? Many would say pride comes before the fall. I would not say that I was necessarily being prideful on Monday, but I could have slowed my roll a little bit. This week was definitely a test of patience and whether or not I could keep myself together in times of conflict and struggle. I most definitely failed and let those failures get the best of me. I became frustrated, shed a few selfish tears over my situation, and pouted. After getting over my frustrations (and self-pity), there was a sense of remorse for becoming so upset over the petty issues. Does anyone else let their emotions get the best of them sometimes?
Brace yourself for some time of vulnerability. Letting my emotions get the best of me is one of my biggest weaknesses. I cry. I pout. I can be very selfish. A lot of these emotions arise from turmoil that abruptly enters into my life. I do not handle changes very well, nor little hiccups in my day. Unfortunately, I am also stubborn and do not like show weakness. I aim to keep a fairly tough exterior.
I am adding a goal to my 2017 list of goals. I am going to aim to not let my emotions get the best of me. There are some big changes coming for me. The biggest change will be transitioning over to Washington or Oregon. I know with a move to the PNW, there will be many adjustments that I will have to make in my life. I may succeed or I may fail. I know that I need to be okay with failing. This is a season in my life that can bring a lot of joy, and I have faith that this where I am being called to. I will listen to this calling, obey, and anticipate good things. I will admit that this transition scares me, but I know I will grow and definitely have many stories to share with you.
May your week be blessed!